MP tells colleagues he was raped as he calls for end to stigma around victims

Male stigmatisation has been a common theme from First People blogs for as long as they have been written. 

While I usually try and come up with an easy to understand and slightly facetious analogy to share the direction of travel, this is one of the more harrowing and important ones, so it hardly feels like it's needed in this instance. 

Before the weekend, an MP said he was raped after a night out nearly a decade ago, as he called for an end to the stigma around being a victim of sexual assault.

Josh Newbury, Labour MP for Cannock Chase, told a debate on International Men’s Day that he had been on a night out in an "unfamiliar city," but woke up in his hotel room with another man after blacking out.

Newbury said he had not reported the incident and felt guilty afterwards. He wanted to stop the silence and “shame” around those who have been assaulted.

Speaking in the Commons, Newbury said: “Around 10 years ago, I went on a night out in an unfamiliar city with a group of friends. I was very conscious not to overdo it, because if I got separated from the group I wanted to be able to find my way back to the hotel.

“I remember going to a few bars, having a good time, but then it’s a complete blank. Which is something that I’ve never experienced before or since. The next morning, I woke up with the worst headache I’ve ever had.

“The man I was sharing a hotel room with commented that he had a great night, but that I’d overdone it a bit and needed to be looked after.

“That didn’t seem to tally with me being determined to pace myself, but I thought maybe I’d drunk too much and I just wanted to get home and sleep it off.

“What followed in the days after was constant text messages from this man, initially just asking if I was OK, but then repeatedly asking what I remembered and commenting that I was a ‘great shag’.

“Now that made me freeze, because I had no recollection of getting back to the hotel, let alone anything else, and he’d repeatedly told me how out of it I’d been, so how could I have ever consented?”

Mr Newbury said it took a "few weeks" to get his memories together but that it took a "long time to admit" to himself and to others, that he had been raped. 

“I never felt able to report this and face the likely conclusion that months on from that night, there wasn’t the tangible evidence to ever bring a charge, and I will probably always carry a bit of guilt around that."

The MP also spoke of counting himself "lucky" that he was unconscious during the the assault but that “no victim should ever feel that they have to put themselves in a hierarchy or feel any shame".

“It is the people who do this to another person who should feel shame, and I hope that we can foster an atmosphere where men have the courage to speak out about this, and seek justice, even if it is a hard road.”

Fellow Labour MPs Stella Creasy and Jim Dickson could be seen offering him support afterwards.

More colleagues also paid tribute to Newbury in the Commons for his bravery.

Alistair Strathern offered "an incredible thankyou" for his bravery in speaking out and the leadership he displayed, which will serve men right across the country far better in the future than maybe politics has managed to in the past".

Strathern said: “It’s a day after International Men’s Day, but I could not think of a better model for a modern strong man than the vision of himself he set out today and being so brave to share that deeply personal experience.”

The debate took place on the 10th anniversary of International Men’s Day, and coincided with the Movember charity fundraising month which raises money for Prostate Cancer UK.

Other issues raised by MPs included a push for prostate cancer screening, a focus on under-achievement by working-class boys in school, and a campaign to get better paternity leave for men, but really it was Newbury's bravery that we will focus on. 

While it has already been said, the depth of courage it would take for any male, let alone an elected official in the landscape of social media and trolling to speak out about something like this cannot be understated. 

I am not going to go off on a tangent saying that this will lead to thousands of men speaking out about similar experiences, because the reality is it won't. But it might encourage a few. 

If even one men feels inspired to share their story as a result then it is a step in the right direction. 

Imagine the depths of mental health deprivation to be in to count yourself "lucky" that at least you were unconscious while you were being raped. That speaks to the male stigmatisation discussed. 

Feeling fortunate that things effectively "could have been worse" than a situation like that really speaks to the problem at hand. 

Newbury will be ridiculed by the Andrew Tate-loving, women-hating and self-loathing sycophants who love to tell people what it means to be man from behind a phone or screen, but in the real world he is and will continue to be lauded for such courage. 

This is not an issue that gets major headlines. Obviously there are far more women that are victims of sexual abuse and the media coverage is befitting of this. 

But that isn't to say male victims should be ignored. It is precisely for this reason that men don't feel comfortable speaking about this - very few people have shown them that it is okay to do so. 

Well, Josh Newbury just did. If an MP can be willing to show this level of vulnerability, it is my opinion that many people in lower-profile jobs will as well.